The End of The New Order
by Rose Stetson
Summary: It’s ironic really, I think to myself. In life, he was never allowed to say those words to me. And in death, I’m afraid to hear him utter them.


_**The End of The New Order**_

_By Rose Stetson_

_Spoilers: Lost City and New Order_

_Format: Alternate ending to "New Order: Part II," Sam POV_

I'm lying on my back, looking at the sky as if it's a picture, framed by the overtowering trees. My mind is coveredwith athick layer of confusion, almost like a heavy fog. I can hear Daniel and Teal'c calling my name: "Sam!" "Major Carter!"

Teal'c reaches me first, and helps me up. "Major Carter, are you well?"

I nod. "Thanks."

Teal'c nods as Daniel reaches. Suddenly, I remember everything.

"We've got to get back to Earth." I say as I see Daniel and Teal'c hovering over me. "The Colonel…"

They look at one another with a gaze that I know can't be good.

"Sam…he's dead." Daniel says with sadness in his eyes.

I can't breathe. It's not possible. Jack dead? No!

This is just another intricate part of the torture Fifth is bombarding me with. I never really left the Replicator ship. He's still here in my mind. He realized that living on a farm in Montana with Pete is by no means my lifelong aspiration. JACK O'NEILL CANNOT BE DEAD!

The Replicator ship leave, and I'm forced to acknowledge that there's even the slightest possibility that what Daniel is saying is true: that this last bout with the Ancient knowledge has defeated the undefeatable Colonel Jack O'Neill.

"Sam, are you okay?"

I nod, numbly, barely registering Daniel's kind words of concern. I have to be okay; soldiers are meant to be robots of steel, able to lose comrades in the line of duty and still feel dedicated to fighting the enemy, still so steadfast in their resolve to kill you and anyone around you.

I guess I'm not really as good a soldier as I pretend to be. Sure, I can kick butt, but being a soldier is more than that…it's a state of mind, and I don't have it. Then again, I suppose it's easy to get used to conquering death when it stares you in the face every day.

The thought of going on another mission through the Stargate without him makes my stomach turn. SG-1 is and always will be comprised of Colonel O'Neill, Daniel, Teal'c, and me. I mean, we're practically family. We've seen and done things that nobody else can dream of, both good and bad, and nobody else can relate. Not even the other SGC personnel.

I'm encompassed in a warm, white light as Thor beams us onto his ship. There's his body, cold and lifeless in an Asgard medical pod. Suddenly, I hate them- the Ancients, the Asgard, and any other technologically superior race. They all could have done something to prevent this!

I hate Kinsey, President Hayes, and Dr. Weir! If General Hammond had command, we wouldn't have waited until everything became critical, we would have acted immediately, with or without the Pentagon's approval.

"Major Carter, I am glad to see that you are well." The little gray alien says, stepping closer to me.

"Thank you." I say, curtly.

He looks at the medical pod that I am staring at. "O'Neill died well. He would have been pleased."

I look at him, incredulously. He's trying to make me feel better by telling me that Jack died…well? Unfortunately, this friend of Jack's doesn't realize that any statement beginning with the words 'Jack died' is less than welcome to me.

Without a word, I briskly walk away from the group, afraid of what I might do or say if I stay much longer. In my mind's eye, I can just see the look on Thor's face as he inevitably turns to Daniel and Teal'c as he would have turned to Jack as if to ask: what'd I do? All he will receive as a response will be two shrugs as if to say: men and women of the Tau'ri are from two COMPLETELY different universes…how should we know?

In spite of my grief, I chuckle at the thought of the two men trying to wordlessly communicate with the small alien. About the differences gender has not only physically but also psychologically.

Suddenly, I can picture a grave-side memorial service. The tombstone reads: Jack O'Neill, beloved friend and leader. That's all it can say…that's all it needs to say.

Despite his multiple claims to the title of hero, Jack O'Neill was best known for his steadfast loyalty to his friends and comrades. Sounds a lot like what I said at Janet's memorial service.

Drained, I lean against the wall and slide down to the floor, allowing my head to rest on my arms which are, at the moment, encircling my knees. I need a drink…or I need to wake up from this nightmare, preferably the second option. He was the reason I felt safe, the reason I could keep living despite my experiences. He was my rock, my life, my safe bet.

So much for always being there for me, I think quietly to myself as I rest my head against the wall. In a place similar to this, in a position similar to this one, a couple of weeks ago, I was able to imagine him saying that he would always be there for me, that he was my safe bet. But that was just my subconscious mind trying to cope with the reality of the situation.

Wasn't it?

The guys can see that I don't really want to talk to anyone, so the rest of the trip was quiet for me. Lots of time to reflect…

Then, Thor beams us to the SGC, and I stand in front of the window in the Briefing room, looking at the Stargate. In the detail that only a flashback can afford, I can see him standing at our first briefing as I walk in.

"_Where's he transferring from?"_

"_**She** is transferring from the Pentagon." I say, walking in. I'm unprepared for just how HOT he is! Where did that thought come from? I take a breath as I reach my seat. "I take it you're Colonel O'Neill." His stance and the roll of his eyes instantly informs me that I'm dealing with an average run-of-the-mill male chauvinist, in other words, a typical male Air Force officer, a class A jerk. I stand at attention, snapping a sharp salute. "Captain Samantha Carter reporting, sir."_

_He returns the salute, a little surprised by my female form._

_Then, after some …pleasant interaction with my new team members, Majors Kawalsky and Ferretti, General Hammond sits down, and I follow his lead. "Let's get started. Colonel?"_

"_Thank you. Those of you on your first trip through the Stargate, you should be prepared for what to expect."_

_Oh, he wants to play Mr. Experience, huh? Well, I'm sure he knows LOADS about how it actually works!_

"_I've practically memorized your report from the first mission. I'd like to think I've been preparing for this all my life."_

"_I think what the Colonel is saying is... have you ever pulled out of a simulated bombing run in an F-16 at 8-plus Gs?"_

_Another smart-aleck comment from Team Kawalsky. I can handle that…this is after all just another round of team bonding…_

" _Yes."_

_Point to Team Carter!_

"_Well... it's way worse than that."_

"_By the time you get to the other side, you're frozen stiff like you've just been through a blizzard. Naked."_

_So much for being smart…at least not any smarter than the other two. I guess it's time for me to show my true colors…_

"_That's a result of the compression your molecules undergo during the millisecond required for reconstitution."_

_O'Neill rolls his eyes in annoyance. "Oh, here we go, another scientist. General... please."_

" _Theoretical astrophysicist." I defend._

"_Which means...?"_

"_It means she is a hell of a lot smarter than you are, Colonel. Especially in matters related to the Stargate." The General says. Obviously he's not sure I'm a match for the revered Colonel, well…I've still got a few things up my sleeve._

"_Colonel, I was studying the Gate technology for two years before Daniel Jackson made it work and before you both went through. I should have gone through then. But sir, you and your **men** might as well accept the fact that I am going through this time."_

"_Well, with all due respect, Doctor…"_

"_It is appropriate to refer to a person by their rank, not their salutation. You should call me **Captain**, not **Doctor**." Okay, that was a little out of line…after all, I'm not the one supposed to be giving orders around here._

"_Captain Carter's assignment to this unit is not an option, it's an order."_

_Thanks General, but I can handle this…MAN just fine._

"_I'm an Air Force officer just like you are, Colonel. And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside, doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle."_

_I can't believe it! There is absolutely NO reaction as he sits down, staring me down…then again, I love that steadfastness in a guy. Really makes a gal feel…HOLD IT! He's my new commanding officer and I've just taken his chauvinistic ways on as a challenge. They are NOT supposed to become endearing qualities to me!_

"_Oh, this has nothing to do with you being a woman. I like women. I've just got a little problem with scientists."_

_Okay, now he's gone and done it…time for drastic measures…real proof, not just some…battle of wills._

"_Colonel, I logged over 100 hours in enemy airspace during the Gulf War. Is that tough enough for you? Or are we going to have to arm wrestle?"_

That was the day that we developed a mutual respect for one another, though the confidence that we had in one another's abilities to lead, follow directions, and the most important thing…watch each other's sixes (which was NOT a bad view, by the way) came over the next year or so.

"Major Carter? Dr. Jackson? Teal'c?" Dr. Weir asks, walking into the briefing room. "Where's Colonel O'Neill?"

I turn around and none of us speak. It's obvious that Dr. Weir is a little uncomfortable because she tries to lighten the atmosphere. "That is hat you were up there for, right? Or where you sightseeing in the Asgard home galaxy?"

"Jack didn't make it." Daniel says before she makes a complete and utter fool of herself.

"I'm sorry to hear that.' She says sincerely, glancing at me with sympathy in her eyes before she looks to Teal'c and Daniel as if to confirm the validity of the statement.

I nod, acknowledging her sentiment. It's weird to know that as news of Jack's death spreads, I'll be treated as the hero's bereaved widow. Voices will lower to whispers when I walk by, flowers and sympathy cards will adorn my lab for the next weeks while the base personnel make sure that I know that their thoughts and prayers are with me.

"We can debrief about this later. You've all been through a lot. Once Dr. Brightman has cleared you to leave, you have a week off the base."

"With all due respect, Doctor, I think it would be better if we got it out of the way." Daniel says, glancing at Teal'c and me. I nod, taking my seat.

"All right." She says, sitting at the head of the briefing table.

Daniel looks at me, as if asking for my permission to tell the story that I had missed while on Fifth's ship. I nod; I haven't heard this, and I'm not sure I want to miss it. After all, Jack's a hero, right?

"Well, as you know, the Asgard beamed me up. Teal'c and Thor thought they might need my help to deal with the Replicators."

"Where was Major Carter?" She asks, looking once at me and back at Daniel.

"I was on board the Replicator ship." I say, not allowing my emotions to penetrate my shell. "I was beamed off of Thor's ship only a few minutes after arriving on it."

She nods, accepting my answer, and realizing that I probably don't want to go into great detail about my stay there right now.

"After Thor beamed me up, he beamed Jack up. He thought that Jack might have the knowledge in his mind about how to destroy the Replicators. So, Thor interfaced Jack's mind with the Asgard computer and Jack made a device. However, about the time that the medical pod started sounding the alarms that his life was in jeopardy, the device wasn't finished. Thor tried to wipe the Ancient information from Jack's mind only to be locked out of the controls temporarily by Jack himself."

I can't help it. Tears leak out of my tear ducts and slide noiselessly down my cheeks. A hero to the end, never willing to let his life get in the way of the greater good.

"When Jack died, we finally got control of the ship's computer back. With his device, we were able to destroy the Replicators that held Sam captive."

He died for me. My throat is constricted with tears as I try to withhold them. I will not ask for any special treatment, I tell myself.

"Is that all?" Elizabeth asks tenderly.

Daniel and Teal'c nod, and as they turn to look at me, I can barely nod my head.

"You're dismissed. Go down to the infirmary, and then…have a well-deserved few days off."

I stand up and walk out of the room faster than I have ever done before.

Being the first one in the infirmary means that I am the first one to get a physical, which is fine by me. Within fifteen minutes, I'm cleared to leave the base, and I do just that. But I can't help but go by his quarters, hoping that Jack will come out, wave and smile at me, saying: Heya, Carter!

Yes, I miss him.

The rest of the evening is rather uneventful as I make dinner, eat it, and prepare for bed. However, as I'm walking toward my bed, I hear a noise.

Stillness. I'm waiting. Watching. My body is taut, like an arrow on the string of a bow. Each second that passes feels like an eternity. I almost want something to happen so that I can react, but the dark room continues to be still and silent.

Perhaps I will get my wish to see him again. Perhaps the intruder in my home will kill me and therefore send me to the same place that Jack has gone to.

Adrenaline pumps through my veins, giving me more strength, and yet, I'm standing here doing nothing.

Each breath is drawn out silently; I can feel my lungs expand, tightening across my chest. I can't help but think that with each new breath, I'm losing and yet regaining my future.

I step cautiously down the hallway in the direction from which the sound emanated. It's funny that something as tiny as the sound of boards creaking could make time lapse so slowly. Then again, I am a firm believer in Einstein's Theory of Relativity. Perhaps there is only another dimension of that theory being tested right now. Perhaps anticipation is another factor to be considered in the length of time.

I find the vase on the counter and manage to quietly pick it up. But even with the moonlight streaming in through the windows, I can't see any intruder.

I creep stealthily through the darkened corridors of my home expecting someone to jump out and take advantage of the dark cover.

As I reach my kitchen, I see a shadow sitting calmly at my table. "Carter." He says, calmly as if there is nothing abnormal about his presence in my home.

In my surprise, I allow the vase to fall to the ground, shattering into a thousand pieces.

"Who are you?" I ask, my heart racing and hoping against all that my mind accepts as reason that this is my Jack.

"Jack O'Neill, Colonel with the United States Air Force." He says, resolutely. I allow silence to lapse in the absence of my thought. "You all right, Carter? You look like you've seen a ghost."

My heart wins the battle between love and logic. It is a bittersweet battle wherein I have to decide where I will forever hide behind logic and reason and the control that I hold so dear, or if I will take the risks that love incurs.

I throw my arms around his neck and bury my face into his shoulder as I allow tears to fall once again today. "I miss you." I sob.

He holds me for hours in a gentle and strong embrace. This is indeed the man that I have fallen in love with.

As the early morning sun's rays filter in through the window, he tightens his embrace. "I have to go." He whispers.

"No!" I say, more energetically than I ever dreamed possible. "Please…don't!" I can't wake up from this dream. It will kill me to do so!

"I will never leave you alone." He says as he kisses my forehead.

Tears stream down my cheeks. This can't be just a dream. It all feels so real.

As his body slowly fades with the morning sun, I see his smile one last time. Then, I hear the wind rustling through the trees echo: I love you.

It's ironic really, I think to myself. In life, he was never allowed to say those words to me. And in death, I'm afraid to hear him utter them.


End file.
